so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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