If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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