i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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