I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
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