Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
