I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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