dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
