im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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