I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
