We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
