We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
