we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
