I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
