I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
