I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
