ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
