I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
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