this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
