Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Randomize
