Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
