I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
My penis needs a shock collar
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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