How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Randomize