I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
