You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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