my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
