No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
