3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
