Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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