I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
