everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
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