i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
