I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
