You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
