then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
