I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
