those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
