You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
