Apparently you make a good broom.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize