Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
