Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
