I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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