you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
