shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
