Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize