Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
