matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
