Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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