Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
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