So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
