Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
barbara walters just said penis...
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
No I am not eating basil off your cock
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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