I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
