That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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