You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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