he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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