Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
