I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
