on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
