She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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