I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
