great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
