but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
