it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
worst night to have a conscience
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
