you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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