dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
