The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
