I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
