I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
