Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
