Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
