did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
