Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
