you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I FOUND THE LEGS
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
