frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
