Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I queefed so loud it echoed.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Randomize
